Blended for the holidays
Today I was cleaning up and organizing the ornaments from when I
was growing up. Every year my mom would let us pick out an ornament to document
or summarize the year. I have ones ranging from millennial Barbie, Padame
from Star Wars The Phantom Menace, a wood cut out of AZ after I moved to Miami for grad
school, to an awesome ASU ornament. I have 25 of these ornaments, keeping count
of how long I lived at home.
My mom also kept the ones I made at church, school, and with friends or ones that teachers made for me. I found one that said “Holt 2001” on it today (in my mom’s handwriting) and I my first thought, “toss it." My parents got a divorce when I was 14 years old (2006) for reasons that are too complicated and too entangled to try to explain. Even after that, my mom carried out the tradition of getting an ornament every year. My mom got re-married in 2008 to the man I call my dad today.
At 4pm on Black Friday, I was basically looking at a pile of ornaments documenting pre-divorce, divorce, and new family. I’m 27 now, and I’m reflecting on this box sitting on my kitchen floor while my husband plays video games, my son is napping, and our 2 pit bulls are looking at me as if I’m going to play fetch with the ornaments any minute. I decided to not throw it out and I’ll tell you why: I have good memories from “Holt 2001” that molded me into who I am today. The “original” family had fun times, some not fun times, and great traditions. My “new and improved” family has fun times, some crazy family vacation stories, some not so fun times, and creative traditions. I still love this time of year, divorce didn’t make me a product of bitterness around the holidays. But I’m not going to deny, our “new and improved” family looks different now. Our family traditions look different, they look blended. They are a group of functionally dysfunctional people who are authentic and don’t hide behind a wall of smiles.
I’m blessed by that blending of 3 different families with 3 different last names. Over the years, I have learned a deeper meaning, some may call progressive definition of family: DNA, genes, chromosomes, eye/hair/skin color do not define what a family is; Family are the people that you celebrate life with, who love you beyond surface level in your messiness, and come fix your dishwasher the 1st year you get married because you’re broke from buying a new A/C.
I know holidays can be rough, Father’s Day is still hard for me and it’s been 14 years since their divorce, it seems like a different lifetime. I’ve had healing through that holiday though, I get to celebrate my step-dad that raised me all through high school, gave me my first car, taught me how to drive stick, change a tire and check the oil, and loves my son more than me now. Holidays may not live up to your unrealistic expectations, they may look different than your friend’s or spouse’s holiday gatherings. But remember this my friend; those who may not be your “family,” but who you consider family, are worth getting together with and celebrating this season.
My mom also kept the ones I made at church, school, and with friends or ones that teachers made for me. I found one that said “Holt 2001” on it today (in my mom’s handwriting) and I my first thought, “toss it." My parents got a divorce when I was 14 years old (2006) for reasons that are too complicated and too entangled to try to explain. Even after that, my mom carried out the tradition of getting an ornament every year. My mom got re-married in 2008 to the man I call my dad today.
At 4pm on Black Friday, I was basically looking at a pile of ornaments documenting pre-divorce, divorce, and new family. I’m 27 now, and I’m reflecting on this box sitting on my kitchen floor while my husband plays video games, my son is napping, and our 2 pit bulls are looking at me as if I’m going to play fetch with the ornaments any minute. I decided to not throw it out and I’ll tell you why: I have good memories from “Holt 2001” that molded me into who I am today. The “original” family had fun times, some not fun times, and great traditions. My “new and improved” family has fun times, some crazy family vacation stories, some not so fun times, and creative traditions. I still love this time of year, divorce didn’t make me a product of bitterness around the holidays. But I’m not going to deny, our “new and improved” family looks different now. Our family traditions look different, they look blended. They are a group of functionally dysfunctional people who are authentic and don’t hide behind a wall of smiles.
I’m blessed by that blending of 3 different families with 3 different last names. Over the years, I have learned a deeper meaning, some may call progressive definition of family: DNA, genes, chromosomes, eye/hair/skin color do not define what a family is; Family are the people that you celebrate life with, who love you beyond surface level in your messiness, and come fix your dishwasher the 1st year you get married because you’re broke from buying a new A/C.
I know holidays can be rough, Father’s Day is still hard for me and it’s been 14 years since their divorce, it seems like a different lifetime. I’ve had healing through that holiday though, I get to celebrate my step-dad that raised me all through high school, gave me my first car, taught me how to drive stick, change a tire and check the oil, and loves my son more than me now. Holidays may not live up to your unrealistic expectations, they may look different than your friend’s or spouse’s holiday gatherings. But remember this my friend; those who may not be your “family,” but who you consider family, are worth getting together with and celebrating this season.
Shalom,
Rachelle
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