Lament In A Season Of Joy

“When darkness tries to roll over my bones
When sorrow comes to steal the joy I own
When brokenness and pain is all I know
I won't be shaken, no, I won't be shaken”

This song has been my anthem this past year. So much so that it is one of my top played songs of 2019 on Spotify.

Since summer hit, Trevor and I have been in the odd season of joy/sorrow/mourning/happiness/adjusting. We both have jobs where part of our description is people, youth, or families tell us things in confidence; it gets raw and real. And some of these things can be heavy. Some of the stories are breath taking and inspiring. Some are heartbreaking, and you are left sitting there thinking, “That actually can happen to people?”.

We had a baby in the spring, and we were (still are) adjusting to being parents as well as handling complicated and difficult situations outside of work; you know, the situations where life happens? I have been in this lamenting season but also in this season of “HEY!!!! Look what Carson is doing!!!!”. It's been a roller coaster. I don’t think it’s slowing down or stopping either.

Throughout this period there has been many instances where I have had to check my attitude, my heart, and my spirit. There have been days where I am not ok. I am sad, I am angry, I am frustrated, I have hormones in my body from breast feeding and then stopping. I have had to acknowledge how I am feeling, and work through the emotions to get to the root of where the emotions are stemming from. I tried to do what I usually do, avoid the heavy emotions because I dislike being anything but happy and at peace, which made things worse.

 I feel like that is a cultural issue. So often we desire to get through what is hard, sad, and painful as quickly as possible. The reality is lamenting a situation needs to come full circle to find hope and eventually joy. You can find this written out in the book of Lamentations. It is not until the third chapter and the twenty second verse that hope comes “22 The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. 23 Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. 24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”” Lamentations 3:22-24 NLT. Culture should not be afraid of lamenting situations. In fact we should embrace them.

What I have realized and will continue to learn the rest of my life, is finding the joy through my lament. It will take time. Like it says in the second verse: “when sorrow comes to steal the JOY THAT I OWN”. I own my joy. Not Trevor, not the circumstance, not people, not whether Carson is sleeping through the night, not the fear I have. Happiness is choice, but my joy comes from Christ. I am healing from hurt, we are navigating parenting together, we are doing life with the youth group as well as with our tribe. I would not change it, because this is where growth comes from.

In this Advent Season, I am preparing myself for the joy and love that Jesus brought and continues to bring. A joy and love that redeems and transforms. I hope you are too.

“My fear doesn't stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
My fear doesn't stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
My fear doesn't stand a chance
When I stand in Your love”

Shalom,

Rachelle