#momlife
“I like your baby…..more than you.”
“How’s he doing? I love seeing him!”
“I mean, we like you guys, but we wanted to see Carson.”
I hear this often now. Carson is more expressive, loves to
clap, loves to watch people, loves Christmas lights, enjoys shiny objects. He
laughs, he’ll baby talk to you, he’ll make a super adorable frustrated face. He
cuddles with you when he’s tired. He even will smile if you smile! He’s 7
months, 3 weeks, and 2 days of joy!
I used to take it to heart, maybe even personally. For
someone who is too introspective and extrospective about how I talk to people
and what people say to me (I’ll think about what I said to someone and how they
possibly interpreted it for days…I’m not kidding), hearing that someone liked
someone more than me was difficult. Then I started saying it to other people so
that I would beat them to the punch, a little bit out of self-preservation,
“He’s A LOT more fun than me!”.
Knowing a reality and living the reality, are two very
different situations. You can be told over and over and over about something, never
fully understand it till you live it. You may think you understand it, then when
you’re in the reality of it, you know you NOW understand it.
Having kids and parenting is not about you. It never will
be. “Rachelle, the world does not revolve around you”. I cannot tell you how
many times my mom told me this; countless. When we were getting married, pre-marriage
counseling was all about how to be selfless and letting go of your pride. I
understood it, we “passed” counseling. Parenting is a whole new level of
selflessness. Carson doesn’t ask how I’m doing, Trevor does. There is compromising,
negotiation, and, communication aspects in a marriage (in any
relationship-friendship, girl/boyfriend, family). With a baby, there is no
compromising. It’s not about me. It’s about him and will be until a certain
point in time until he matures and grows, then he’ll have to learn the concept.
In the first few months there were times where I just wanted
someone to ask me how I was doing. But looking back, I talked positive, I felt
great, and always had a smile on my face, so of course people filled
in the blanks; I was doing well. There were some stressful parts of having a
baby but nothing crazy. I didn't have postpartum depression or any
complications. Trevor and I became a well-oiled tag-team machine. I just wanted someone to pay attention to me. From
Friday April 19th to Saturday April 20th, my life changed
dramatically; I was now about taking complete care of my son, showering and
eating came fifth. See how ridiculous this sounds? I’m complaining. Reading
this to myself I sound pretentious. Yet, there are times where you need to
vent, get it off your chest. No matter how bad it sounds.
I am enormously blessed with a happy, healthy baby. I don’t ever
take that for granted. I’m always thankful. It makes me happy and almost proud
that others love and care for Carson like they do. It gives me peace that other
people outside of family are concerned for Carson. We have a great and
unwavering community surrounding us that cares about Carson, Trevor and me. A
few of the girls that are in the youth group have him as their wallpaper;
teenagers have pictures and want to play with him FOR FREE! How great is that?
I’m Rachelle, I’m 27 years old, and I'm adjusting to mom
life, which I have the pleasure and honor of taking part in.
Shalom,
Rachelle
Comments
Post a Comment