You do you culture: all for none and none for all

I’m guilty. I used to say “you do you” in grad school ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. I was single at the time, lived far from family, and my biggest concern was getting to class on time and getting an A in cardio-pulmonology class. I lived with my best friend and another friend at the time in this 1980’s rent-is-outrageous du-plex in Coral Gables about 20 minutes (with no traffic) from Key Biscayne. Life was basically all about me and my schedule during those years.

Do you know what a tautophrase is? It was coined by William Safire in 2006 writings that he composed to define circular phrases. According to Wikipedia, it is a phrase or sentence that repeats an idea in the same words. Here are some examples: It is what it is; haters gonna hate; a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. All these phrases suggest a central theme: nothing is going to change; the situation or person remains unalterable. The logic behind these phrases is circular too, you cannot break the cycle and it ends the conversation and discussion, we all nod our heads in silent agreement. These phrases also brush off blame, capturing our narcissistic culture in a perfect selfie.

The “you do you” culture, limits the capability to look beyond the self. Did you know there is a statistic out right now that depression is the most common in 18 to 25-year-old individuals? Additionally, The National Institute of Mental Health reports that 16.2 million adults had at least one major depression episode in 2016. In 2018, there were 244 million people in the U.S. on some type of social network. Are you surprised by these numbers? I’m not. Now, I’m not saying that mental health can’t also be genetic (you can’t hand pick the gene pool you get). I am trying to point out how our culture has become so concerned with the self, isolating us from others, making us turn inward constantly to compare to others, unable to get past ourselves and see the bigger picture or the person next to us. No kidding, there are “You do you” and self-gratitude journals just in case you want to write all about yourself, when you can’t get enough you time during the workday. It’s the third or fourth hit on google when I was researching this topic.

Now, I do not want you to think that I’m against social media, journaling, or self-care. I love getting my nails done, I love posting too many pictures of my son/dogs/husband, and I enjoy seeing what my friends are up to in other states. Journaling also got me through some low points in my life. What I am saying is there’s something to be said for putting your pride, selfie stick, and selfishness aside. It may be getting in the way of relationships and community. And deep down, isn’t that what we all want? Putting the sarcastic “introvert” jokes aside. Isn’t that what social media is trying to make us all believe, that we are part of a (inauthentic) community? We’re all human. We need empathetic, genuine, and compassionate community. None of us can do life alone and I don’t think any of us want to. Even that guy in Castaway had Wilson. There are even studies on how friendship can prevent and lower the risk of depression. For goodness sake, there are reality shows about finding the “one” to do life with. That is how important and intertwined community and relationships are to humanity.

I’ve stopped using the phrase “you do you”. Want to know why? Because if every individual did what they wanted, no one would care about my son, my husband, or my dogs. People and animals that I love. Society would collapse. Think about it, if everyone looked out for their self, everything would fall apart. So here is my question to you: What would your neighborhood, workplace, or even city look like if you cared just a little more about our neighbor or what was going on around you more than yourself? I’m convinced it would look a lot more like love and a true community, serving and encourage those around you. And don’t tell me “it is what it is, Rachelle”. I refuse to believe that. There is more innate kindness and love in all people. It’s a daily choice. All for one and one for all.

Shalom,

Rachelle