#dogmom

Back in 2016-2017 my husband (he was my boyfriend at this time) lived with his sister, Annie, and brother, Tyler. I worked with Tyler over the summer of 2017 at the farm my mom and dad were managing in Gilbert, AZ. I just got out of 7 years of school and had always wanted a pet but could never have one living in and out of dorms and apartments. Tyler wanted a dog too. My mom would not let me keep it at our house. We knew the dog would have to live at the sibling rental. Now we had to convince Trevor and Annie that it was a good idea to adopt a dog. Well guess what? Every June the shelters in Arizona get packed and the shelter does free adoptions for dogs over 50 lbs for two weeks. Tyler and I convinced the other two siblings and all four of us piled into Trevor’s car and went to the shelter on a Friday afternoon. 

We searched through kennel after kennel for a 50 lbs or more dog that would be a good fit. We picked out a list of five dogs we liked and met one, but decided she wasn’t for us. Then the shelter volunteer asked if she could bring us a dog that was “special” and had been there longer than any other dog at that point in time. She thought he would be good for us based on our lifestyle and our personalities. She brought out this super timid, tail-tucked, loner pit-bull mix. I had NOT wanted a pit bull based on what I’ve heard about the bread and other pit bulls I had encountered. She told us a little about Chance and my heart started to break, he was found and cornered in a dark warehouse by workers and had bit the guy who was trying to corral him. Based on how he reacted to crates, the kennels, and women, they suspected that he was abused by a previous owner’s girlfriend and left in a kennel. We spent time with him in a large fenced in area. For the first 10 minutes he just wondered, avoiding even the volunteer lady who had worked with him for months. He warmed up to Trevor and Tyler quickly, we signed the bite risk form, got him chipped for $25, and brought him home.

Chance didn’t trust me the first 3-4 months we got him. I had to sit next to him or in front of him, I could never be positioned behind him. I had to approach him from the front. I had to warn him I was coming around a corner if he was in another room, so I didn’t startle him. I worked so hard for him to like me and trust me. I'll admit, it made me sad sometimes. He loved Trevor and Tyler. He would sleep right next to Trevor’s bed, lay in between the boy’s desks when they played video games. I was worried he would never like me. I really cared about him, I got attached. I kept putting effort and time into him. Almost like what you would do with a new friend or a new relationship. You can call me insane (I prefer committed) but this is what I did for the 6 months or so Trevor lived in his rental. I would come over to the rental early every morning before work and walk him a mile. I would get off work, head to the rental, and play in the back yard with Chance, have dinner with Trevor and his siblings then walk Chance again and head home. I came over early on the weekends to walk him before Trevor woke up, took him on adventures to parks all around Gilbert, and just about anywhere else I could take him. That Christmas Eve, I slept over with him because the siblings all went down to Tucson. I spent all Christmas morning with him until I had to go to my family’s Christmas lunch. Then I went back to the house to pick him up to take him to Tucson where Trevor was. It took time, but Chance started to trust me. He still loved Trevor and Tyler more than me, BUT he started to come to me, let me walk up to him from behind, and pet him. It took me going out of my way and going above and beyond to earn that trust and love from him.

We’ve had Chance for three years now. He’s our project dog but he’s grown a lot from being this anxious, skeptical, on guard, emotionally needy dog who did not know how to be a dog to this beloved family pet who is loyal. He’s great with Carson, so gentle with him. Chance still has his quirks, but he does not need to be on Prozac, so we count that as a win! We got him crate trained, he likes girls, and he voluntarily lets the youth kids pet him when they all come over. He's come a long way over the years. 

This is what I learned form Chance over the past years.

1.           You get what you put in. With anything, any person in life, you can’t just will it or wish for a relationship. You need to nurture it, take time out of your day to spend quality time and grow a relationship. You must earn trust by showing you’re invested in that person and truly care about them; show up when they need help, get food together, meet up regularly. If I didn’t put that time into Chance, he wouldn’t have learned to trust me or even cared about me. You can’t just meet someone and expect them to not be a little on guard until you let your guard down and show them who you are. I had to continue to show up and be present in Chances day. Was it inconvenient? Sometimes. Did it take over a month or two? Yes. Did I get disappointed and disheartened sometimes? For sure. Was it worth it? Hands down. Same concept with people.
2.           Dogs and people are similar. I am not saying animals and humans are on the same level or intelligence, emotional capability, nothing of the sort. Yet, in my job and what I’ve seen from Chance at home, I’ve learned a lot about behavior and trauma. Here’s an example: our families used to make comments that he wasn’t a normal dog. And they were right, Chance didn’t know how to be dog. We literally had to teach him and give him time to let his guard down in a safe predictive environment. I don’t know how many people I have encountered through my work and Trevor’s job who have been so hurt, emotionally or physically abused that they don’t know how to be a child or how to be an adult. I have become so passionate and willing to go above and beyond for whoever walks into Trevor’s office needing help because of that.
3.       Your past sticks with you. Chance still has anxiety to this day. He whines randomly when he stresses. He gets wound up if Trevor leaves when he wasn’t expecting him to. I can’t blame him. I don’t know what happened to him before us. I don’t know what made him this way or why he is this way. And I don’t think I want to know. I love Chance and I think knowing what was done to him would hurt. Like humans, Chance probably reacted a certain way out of self-preservation the first years of his life. His behavior when he gets worried in the present shows it. I have a lot of grace and sympathy for people who have been through any type of trauma because of Chance. What I’ve learned it that sometimes, you can’t express how you feel. Consequently it comes out as maladaptive behavior.

I used to be embarrassed by how Chance acted. I wanted a “typical” dog that was happy-go-lucky. Chance has taught me patience, true patience, and empathy which has bled over into my job, ministry, and life in general. You probably think I’m nuts, talking about my dog like this and that’s okay. Chance has a past that we’re not quite sure of. He was more than likely at the mercy of his other owners which was probably a toxic environment. I’m not making excuses for him, but just like any other person who was or is in a hard situation they couldn’t control, we give Chance grace and empathy. I think Chance is why I have a heart for the “hard” or “rough” teens in Trevor’s job. How I built a relationship with Chance and how I let him learn to trust me is how I approach others we come across in ministry and life in general as well. Chance may always be a project dog, but he’s ours and he will always be loved and cared for. In ministry there may be “project” kids or adults that may take time to warm up, but we will continue to invest in them and care for them

Shalom,

Rachelle

Side note, I’ve change my opinion on pit bulls and will probably only adopt them for as long as Trevor lets me.