Pre-COVID-19: work hard, play even harder

To preface this, COVID-19 is serious. My heart breaks for the people in areas such as NYC, LA, San Francisco, New Orleans, Miami, and New Jersey where it has spread rapidly and is devastating. I live in Arizona, and while we still have our own issues battling COVID-19, I’m lucky to be living in a state on quarantine and not a state mandated shut down. Please do not think that I’m naïve to what is going on politically, socially, and economically.

In grad school, my class had a saying: work hard, play harder. We lived by it. We all studied as if it was a sport, to the point where some of us may have been to competitive about test grades. We sure did the weekends right. I have really solid memories of those weekends in Miami. Was it a good life balance? It might have been aggressive but it was a blast! We were all younger than we are now and none of us had minimal responsibilities outside of studying, part time work, and showing up for class.

I kept that mantra with me when I moved back home. Before Trevor and I got married I would work 8 am-5:30 pm Monday through Thursday, 8 am-2 pm on Friday and then one time a month on Saturdays to make up missed appointments with my kids. I also house/dog sat and did whatever else I could on the side. The weekends were great though! Trevor had youth or other church events, we would go see sporting events that the teens were apart of, dance recitals, concerts, hang out with friends, go shopping or hiking with my mom, or take Chance on an adventure. Continually something to do or places to be!

Fast forward to current times. I pull four, ten hours days Monday through Thursday (before COVID-19 I did). I’m one of those crazy morning people, so before work I hit our box (Cross Fit) or I’ll go for a run. It’s a fast-paced morning that goes like clockwork: workout, feed the dogs, shower, get ready, eat, coffee, drive to Gilbert. Trevor gets Carson ready for preschool and they head to Tempe Nazarene together. Since I’m not around in the morning to help I’m the outfit picker, the diaper bag prepper, and the baby food planner. All tasks are completed over my 3-day weekend, along with chores and making sure we have food so Trevor can cook during the week since I don’t get home until 6:30 pm. Our weekends usually consist of youth events, occasional trips to Oro Valley, church events, friends, hockey, family, church, and sushi. Some weekends are extremely busy and some and not so much, it depends. Never the less, every week zooms by though.

Then COVID-19 hit and consequently the quarantine. I can’t tell you what week or what day of quarantine we’re on. I can tell you I have been stressed, mad, annoyed, sad, frustrated, and gone through the stages of grief with this over the past two to three weeks. Work was stressful, you have all experienced it. The three to five emails a day from your management team saying “we’ll keep you posted” to finally having your hours cut or being let go from work all together. Not to mention the family trips falling through, birthday parties not happening, and not being able to see much of extended family. We’re all experiencing it. But among the prolonged silence that I’ve recently been drastically pushed into, I can’t but evaluate what my routine and my family’s lifestyle consisted of. Because let’s be real here, there is going to be a pre-COVID-19 lifestyle, a COVID-19 lifestyle, and a post-COVID-19 lifestyle.  

I like being busy. I enjoy it! I like being involved. I’m a huge fan of a home project. I like the fast pace of work, even though some days are stressful and I’m falling asleep by 8 pm. I am social! LOVE IT. I like going to Trevor’s hockey games and sitting in the stands with the other wives and girlfriends. I like going to parties; invite me to your child’s 3^rd birthday party, I am SO THERE! I like celebrating! Most of all I love getting ready; hair, makeup, outfit. Just even talking about it!!!!! UGHHHHH I miss it!

I’m going to be honest and upfront with you, pre-COVID-19, there were some weeks that I couldn’t even remember. We were that busy. I’ll even show you my phone calendar that’s littered with Saturdays or Sundays having three or more events.  During a pre-COVID-19 week I felt like I was rushing between home, work, and church. I was a hot mess most weeks. I rarely got a quiet moment. I got a rare moment of nothingness if a plan fell through or if we weren’t needed at an event. So currently being in the middle of a quarantine, let me tell you, the first weekend was rough. I didn’t know what to do because everything in an instant was stopped. I was a “What do I do with my hands???!!!” type of moment. We had no plans, no events, no obligations. We only had to show up at church on Sunday morning to film online service. It was odd. It was as if I didn’t know what to do with myself when I had no where to be. You know what I did with all the time I had? I played with Carson on the floor for more than 15 minutes because who cares if I didn’t have the bathrooms cleaned by Saturday night! I had the rest of Sunday and the week because I’m only working part time. I walked the dogs around the big block. I didn’t have to rush and only do the small block. I got to work out in our garage with my husband because we can’t go to our separate gym times at the box! I got to spend more quality time with my son and my husband because there was nothing else vying for my attention or effort.

This week, working part time, I have had less mom guilt than any other time in the past 11 months. Pre-COVID-I9 I had huge guilt, sometimes daily. Trevor is Carson’s primary caretaker because I’m at work a major chunk of the week. Friday is my only open weekday. And yes, I have a three-day weekend, but it’s filled with catching up on parenting/wife responsibilities, appointments, and doing chores that I’ve neglected throughout the week. I barely ever get to just sit and play with Carson for however long I want. During the quarantine, I’m with him almost just as much as I was during the last two weeks of maternity leave. It’s been the best! I’ve had opportunities to cook and go grocery shopping with my husband, which never happens. Trevor and I even get to binge watch and spend quality time together like we did on maternity leave.

 Before this weekend, I was worried about the lack of pay. It got to the point of panic. It took me several days to find peace, knowing that this too will pass. We’ll be fine and taken care of through this season. When I do go back to work full-time, I will miss my son and my husband immensely. To be authentic with you, I miss full-time work, I really do. What a conundrum! Missing my job but not wanting to go back full time because I’ll miss my family. I’m passionate about my career as a pediatric physical therapist. I 'm committed to severing my families and patients to my best ability daily. I look forward going to work every day with my colleagues. They keep the work environment that much more enjoyable on tough days. On top of that, I miss youth events. We have a great group and we all have fun together. I miss the teens and I’m already thinking about post-COVID-19 events we can host.

Am I going to slip back into that work hard, play even harder on the weekends mentality? It’s my own doing. I allowed the busyness into my life and helped create my family’s routine into the monster that it is. A question popped into my head this morning: what is the cost of a full-time paycheck and rushing from place to place weekly if I always feel guilty about missing out on Trevor and Carson? I don’t have an answer yet. I have extensive amount of restructuring my time to do. I have self-reflection to do and maybe some serious family conversations to have. I do know that my life, my mentality, and my family routine post-COVID-19 will look different than pre-COVID-19. Like I said, I don’t have answers. I do know that I love these precious family moments that we get to have; I’m not taking them for granted. I know Carson won’t remember all the fun times we had at the house during March 2020, but Trevor and I will always treasure them.

Stay safe, stay inside, and wash your hands.

Shalom,

Rachelle