Significant Stories

I had a patient kiss my tummy this week after I walked her out to her mom. The lobby was empty at this point because it was the end of the day since I worked later than most of my coworkers that day. I was saying bye and so innocently, she leaned in and kissed me. She is the height of my pelvis (your hips) so the kiss landed where a baby would be. 

Crossing boundaries? Sure is. Invading personal space? You bet. I did not scold her, I did not make her feel self conscious. One, she is a child. Two, I wish I had that kind of innocence sometimes, I miss it. I wish I had that ability to show someone they’re special or mean something. 

We had a miscarriage a few weeks back. It was really early on. I got check out and I am completely fine, it was a fluke thing that happens to some women. Knowing this does not make it less sad or traumatic or give it less weight. My story might be different than another lady’s because of how early it was. 

I process things slower and incrementally because I do not like sitting in my own emotional pain very long. I can get pretty down and I can obsess over situations. I have been processing this week; I finally got done with all the blood work they had to do, I got all my medical bills. That brought some emotions back up. 

It is so odd to go through a miscarriage because no one knows unless you tell them. We told our family and our close friends. They are amazing and we are so blessed. I could never thank them all enough for all the support and help Trevor and I got the past few weeks. And one friend said it best, it is the disappointment of what could have been that is the most devastating. I am working through it, we are doing well. Our son has been the highlight of the past few weeks, along with my best friend and sister in law who hung out with me and kept checking in constantly. 

I still have hope. It is not ok what happened but I have peace, joy, and hope because I know the future is not in my hands or my control. I am finding and being more of who I truly am created to be. I  discovered that it is hard for me to hide when I go through devastating situations. I think that is a good thing though, then I can actually get the help and support I need. No doubt, this one has been hard to talk about but now it is apart of who I am. It is apart of my marriage. It is a story that is apart of the family now. I found peace in that. Because we all have stories from parts of our lives that have molded and shaped us. Painful stories. Happy stories. Stories that have sad endings, but maybe are still unfinished. I hope you embrace your personal stories, no matter where they came from. They make you unique and offer the community wisdom and insight that is significant and needed.

Shalom,

Rachelle